Memoirs of a Caregiver
Today I stay with the routine set up for mom; the current date and event of the day is on her white board. I greet her with a cheerful good morning while I open the blinds and turn off the night light .Announcing your tea is ready! With a smile. Asking how did you sleep last night? As she responds every morning,” I always sleep well!” Smiling, asking “what day is it? Is today the day I go and exercise? “I orient her while I’m getting out her clothes to wear for the day asking if she likes the outfit chosen. She is pleased and again asks” what day is it?” and “is today the day I go and exercise?” I pleasantly reorient her and remind her tea is ready with a smile. I assist her out of bed and while she is getting dressed, I prepare her breakfast, get her medications out and start a load of laundry. All while I’m checking on her if assistance is needed, reminding her tea is ready. Moving at a slow steady pace she cheerfully presents herself to the breakfast table. I know it is going to be a good day for her. I slow myself down to have breakfast with her. She is sharing memories from long ago, which I have heard many times, yet, I listen with a response of hearing them for the first time, so to encourage her to continue to share.
Each day my goal is to make sure mom is happy, at peace, and feels safe. From the time I get up to the time I lay my head on the pillow to sleep. This is my daily challenge, to set aside my personal feelings as best as I can and be available to her with a smile and without resentment. However, there are some days when it is crucial I take care of my life and I just have to feel my true emotions which at times can conflict with my goals for her, as a result, I can become angry and resentful then I feel guilty and I’m a mess with negative emotions that wear me down. As I try to pick myself up off the ground, and shake off all the personal battle wounds I have Inflicted on myself for feeling theses emotions; I remind myself to breath, and take things moment by moment, make time for myself to regroup, and get things back in perspective. Day in and Day out I pray hard and am grateful when my prayers are answered.
As a caregiver of my mom, I take this commitment seriously. You see years ago I agreed, when she asked me, to be her person. So for now my life is hers. She gave me life, she gave me love, and she was committed to her eight children. An example of an amazing woman which I am finding is hard to live up too.
So I deal with my troubles, shake it off. Forgive my humanness and remind myself, I get a new moment, a new hour, and a new day, to look forward to as I strive to be a better caregiver, daughter, mother, sister, girlfriend, and grandmother.
